I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
