fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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