So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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