dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
