So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
