boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize