I'm going to jail i love you
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
