yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
