Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
