so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm like, not good at living.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
