can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I need to calm my uterus...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
