were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
