sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
how do flat chested girls get laid?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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