While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
