So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
im six kinds of drunk right now
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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