all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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