Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
