This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
