and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
