dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
