After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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