In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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