so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
