sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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