I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
