I can't watch pbs sober anymore
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm at about main and main street
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
