at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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