i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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