Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Drunk walkin through police station. America
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
