Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Randomize
