im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you had me at cake vodka
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
