My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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