Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
