Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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