So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
