So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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