there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
