this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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