marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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