Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize