I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
