when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
