Buhtt sex?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
