yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
