That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
