ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
