my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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