I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
