Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
