I bet he comes in French.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
