i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i want to swaddle you in tequila
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
