Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize