Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
