So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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