she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
