thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
