Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i came on her dog
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
it's like heaven, but drunker
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
