I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
This house was built for laser tag.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
