he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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