i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's shark week go big or go home
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
