Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
