Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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