so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
