She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
