How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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