i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize