I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
