Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
