If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
