Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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