your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
