dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
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