don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
