He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
