the condom got lost in my hair
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
