I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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