Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
we're so committed to being not committed
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
