Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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