Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
