the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
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