Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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