so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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