I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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