so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
