I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize