Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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