I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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