Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
