Already got asked if we're dating
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
