I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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