hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
