Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
