So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
