ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
