When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize