So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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