I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize