She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
