She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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