I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
