Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
