plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
