the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize