I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
