How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
